The Hidden Influence: How Your Manager Shapes Your Mental Health | Books By Tony Mudd

We spend more time at work than anywhere else. Think about it — between getting ready, commuting, working, and even decompressing afterward, over 10 hours of our day revolve around our jobs. Most of us spend the majority of our adult lives working — often for someone else — to make a living.

But here’s the part we rarely talk about: your manager can have more control over your mental health than you realize. Some even say that “Your manager affects your mental health more than your therapist.” — Tobi Oluwole.

That’s a bold statement — but for anyone who’s worked with both great and terrible managers, it hits hard.

The Power of a Great Manager

If you’ve ever had a great manager — the kind who listens, empowers, and supports — you know how transformative it can be. Work doesn’t just feel like work anymore. You feel seen. Valued. Inspired. You show up with energy because someone is leading you, not controlling you.

A great manager can:

• Boost your confidence and self-worth.
• Make tough days manageable and good days feel rewarding.
• Encourage work-life balance without guilt.
• Cultivate an environment where you feel safe — to speak up, to grow, to be human.

When that happens, it ripples into every area of your life. You’re happier at home. You’re more patient with your family. You sleep better. You might even be more motivated to pursue personal goals like fitness or hobbies.

It’s no exaggeration — a great manager can literally improve your quality of life. But on the flip side?

The Damage of a Bad Manager

If you’ve ever had a bad manager, you know how deeply that experience can affect you — not just professionally but personally and mentally.

We’re talking about the kind of manager who:

• Is difficult to talk to, dismissive, or emotionally unpredictable.
• Rushes through meetings, is disorganized, or constantly changes directions without clarity.
• Micromanages every task but never offers real guidance.
• Uses sarcasm, makes inappropriate comments, or gossips about other employees.

It’s exhausting. And here’s the real damage:

• You take that stress home. You snap at your family. You lose patience with your kids.
• You internalize their behavior. You start questioning your self-worth, wondering if you’re really as “incompetent” as they make you feel.
• Your health declines. You sleep less, eat worse, and your motivation plummets.
• You lose joy in things you once loved. Hobbies, relationships, even basic self-care fall to the side.

A bad manager doesn’t just ruin your workday — they can slowly unravel your entire sense of well-being.

And maybe the worst part? The constant mental load.

• You think about work even when you’re at home.
• You have dreams about your boss or unfinished projects.
• You stress about the next interaction before it even happens.

That’s not living. That’s surviving. No wonder one of the first things people say they’d do if they only had months to live is to quit their job. It’s not the work itself that drains them — it’s the environment.

It’s Not About the Dream Job — It’s About the Dream Leader

Here’s the thing: Most of us aren’t actually searching for a dream job — we’re searching for a dream leader. You might think you want the job title, the perks, the salary — but at the core, you want someone who will lead you with respect, clarity, and empathy. Someone who will challenge you without tearing you down. But how do you know what you’re walking into before you say “yes” to a job?

Sometimes I wish there was a kind of X-ray vision — technology that could scan a company’s culture before you even set foot inside:

• You’d see the micromanagement.
• You’d spot the lack of communication.
• You’d uncover the hidden politics, the extra tasks with no extra pay, the tense energy that fills the office.

But we don’t get that. We find out after it’s too late — after we’ve signed on the dotted line. And that’s why so many people stay stuck in toxic work environments, convincing themselves it’s normal. But it’s not.

How to Protect Your Mental Health When You Have a Bad Manager

So, what do you do when you’re in a situation where your manager is taking a toll on your mental health? Here are some real, actionable steps:

1. Set Boundaries — Even When It Feels Impossible

Toxic managers often don’t respect boundaries, which means you have to create and enforce them.

• Don’t respond to non-urgent emails after hours.
• If meetings constantly run over, set expectations at the start: “I have another commitment at 3 PM, so I’ll need to wrap this up in 30 minutes.”
• Limit how much personal information you share if your boss uses it against you.

Boundaries are how you protect yourself from being consumed.

2. Document Everything

If your manager frequently changes directions, assigns blame, or makes inappropriate comments — document it.

• Keep a record of key conversations, decisions, or incidents.
• Save emails or messages that highlight unclear instructions or conflicting demands.
• If things escalate, you’ll have a paper trail to back you up when speaking to HR.

3. Build Your Internal Support System

Having allies at work can make even the toughest environments bearable.

• Find co-workers you trust and vent safely with them.
• Support each other during tough days — it makes a big difference knowing someone has your back.
• Share resources and strategies for handling the manager’s behavior.

You may feel alone, but chances are, others are feeling the same stress.

4. Focus on What You Can Control

When you can’t change your manager, focus on what’s still in your hands:

• Your mindset: Try not to internalize their negativity. They are the problem — not you.
• Your energy: Spend time outside of work on things that bring you joy. Reconnect with hobbies, family, and friends.
• Your future: Start planning an exit strategy if needed. Polish your resume, network, and explore new opportunities.

You don’t have to stay stuck forever.

5. Prioritize Your Health

Toxic environments drain you physically and emotionally.

• Move your body: Even short walks can help reduce stress.
• Fuel yourself well: Stress often leads to poor eating habits. Try to nourish your body, even in small ways.
• Practice mindfulness: Even a few minutes of deep breathing or meditation can help recenter you.

6. Create an Exit Plan (But Stay Strategic)

If you’ve tried everything and the environment remains toxic, start planning your exit.

• Don’t leave in anger. It’s tempting to quit on the spot, but try to secure your next opportunity first.
• Use your current job as leverage. While you’re still employed, update your resume, build connections on LinkedIn, and start applying elsewhere.
• Set a timeline. Give yourself a goal, like: “In six months, I’ll be in a new role.” Even having an exit strategy can reduce the daily stress of a toxic job.

You Deserve Better

At the end of the day, you deserve to work in an environment where your mental health is supported — not sabotaged. If you’re lucky enough to have a great manager, hold onto them. Appreciate the positive impact they have on your life.

But if you’re under a bad manager — know this: It’s not your fault. You’re not weak for feeling drained. And you are not stuck forever.

The right environment can reignite your passion, your energy, and your well-being. Don’t stop searching for it. Because it’s not just about finding the “perfect job” — it’s about finding a leader who makes you feel human. And that can change everything. If this resonated with you, I hope you’ll share it with someone who needs to hear it. I hope you have a wonderful day.

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