When Being Too Good Is “Too Much”: The Day I Was Told to Turn Down My Light

I’ve been told a lot of things in my life some that built me, and some that broke me. But nothing hit me quite like what my manager said not too long ago, “Tony, your work ethic and the quality of your work are making others look bad. You might need to turn it down.”

For a moment, I didn’t even know how to process those words. I’ve heard plenty of feedback before both good and bad but that one? It didn’t sound like feedback.

It sounded like punishment for caring. For working hard. For trying to give my best every single day. And the worst part? It came from someone in a position of leadership. Someone who was supposed to inspire that kind of drive, not silence it. The moment those words hit my ears, I felt this strange mix of confusion, anger, and disbelief. I remember sitting there, almost frozen, wondering if I had just heard correctly.

For a few seconds, I actually thought maybe I misunderstood. Maybe it was a joke. But then the silence that followed confirmed it I wasn’t imagining it. My manager really just told me to stop working so hard. And that realization hit me in a way I can’t fully describe. My stomach turned. My chest tightened. It felt like every motivational book I’d ever read from Think and Grow Rich to Leaders Eat Last, was being ripped apart in front of me. Every word from mentors, coaches, and podcasts about integrity, excellence, and doing your best suddenly felt like lies.

Because what do you do when the very thing you’ve been taught to do more of giving your best, exceeding expectations, holding yourself to high standards becomes the thing you’re criticized for? I’ve always believed that leadership isn’t about power; it’s about example. Real leaders don’t dim the light of others they learn to shine together. But in that moment, I realized not everyone in leadership understands that. Some leaders confuse control with management. Some confuse conformity with teamwork.

And when you’re the one who refuses to settle, who keeps trying to improve systems, solve problems, and create impact you start to stick out. You become the uncomfortable reminder of what could be done if everyone pushed just a little harder. But instead of being celebrated, you’re seen as a threat. Instead of being developed, you’re told to slow down.

And that’s when I understood something painful but true sometimes, you’re not being rewarded for your excellence because it exposes other people’s comfort zones. To be told to “turn it down” doesn’t just bruise your ego. It hits something deeper your sense of purpose. I walked out of that conversation feeling like a balloon that had just been popped. All the air, all the drive, all the quiet pride I carried in knowing I gave my best every day gone in seconds.

I sat in my office afterward just staring out the window, thinking about all the late nights I stayed up working, all the times I went the extra mile without being asked, all the times I cared enough to fix things others ignored. And now, that was being used against me?

It felt like a betrayal of the very values I built my life on. Discipline. Integrity. Hard work. Pride in my craft. All the principles I’ve stood on were suddenly being labeled as too much.

The truth is, I wasn’t angry at the words themselves. I was angry at what they represented a culture where mediocrity is protected, and excellence is resented. That night, I couldn’t sleep. I kept replaying the conversation in my head. I started second-guessing myself. Maybe I am doing too much. Maybe I should slow down. Maybe I should just do the bare minimum like everyone else.

But deep down, I knew that wasn’t me. That’s not who I am. I’ve worked too hard to get here. I’ve built too much character through struggle to suddenly start pretending that average is acceptable. Still, I won’t lie it planted a seed of doubt. It made me question if being “good” was even worth it anymore. If all it does is make people uncomfortable or insecure, what’s the point? Working hard can be a lonely road. Especially when you’re surrounded by people who see effort as competition rather than inspiration.

You start to feel like the odd one out the one who cares too much, thinks too big, or works too long. You become the “overachiever,” the “try-hard,” the “too serious” person. And before long, you find yourself isolated for the same traits that make you valuable.

That’s when you realize that some workplaces aren’t built for people who dream beyond the paycheck. Some environments thrive on the routine, not the revolutionary. But here’s the beautiful irony, the very places that reject high standards eventually need people like you to fix what’s broken. They just can’t see it yet.

That experience forced me to look inward. It challenged every leadership principle I’ve ever believed in. Because I’ve always thought that great organizations were built on accountability, teamwork, and mutual respect. But this felt like the opposite. It made me question, how do you stay true to your values in an environment that punishes them? How do you keep your fire burning when the people around you want you to dim it just to make them feel more comfortable? It’s a quiet epidemic people being told to hide their excellence because it disrupts the status quo. And the saddest part is that so many eventually listen.

I learned something that day that I’ll carry for the rest of my life.

When you’re being asked to dim your light, it’s usually because you’ve stepped into a room that’s not ready for your light.

The world doesn’t need less excellence it needs more people brave enough to keep being excellent even when it’s inconvenient. So no, I won’t turn it down. Not for approval. Not for comfort. Not to fit in. Because the truth is, the same fire that makes some people uncomfortable is the one that keeps others inspired. And I owe it to myself and to every person watching me to keep that fire burning. That conversation could have broken me. It could have made me bitter or resentful. But instead, it reminded me of who I am.

I’m the kid who used to dream about changing things. The man who built companies from nothing. The husband who wants to build a better life for his family. The believer who still sees purpose in pain. And no comment, no corporate culture, no fear-based manager will ever take that away from me. So if you’ve ever been told to “turn it down,” don’t. Turn it up. Because your light isn’t the problem their eyes just haven’t adjusted yet.

Thank you for reading, and remember — you have the power to be your own hero. For more information be sure to check out the podcast, From Zero To Hero. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhG4zy7Rrf8

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